


Where Have all the Flowers Gone

by Sue Corkill (mscorkill)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-22
Updated: 2012-05-22
Packaged: 2017-11-05 19:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/410107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mscorkill/pseuds/Sue%20Corkill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The death of a team-mate is never easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Have all the Flowers Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in: TAKING FLIGHT: TALES FROM THE PEGASUS GALAXY  
> A STARGATE ATLANTIS FANZINE; THE SJHW & FRIENDS 
> 
> Volume Two, May 2007

WHERE HAVE ALL THE FLOWERS GONE

Carson had known the moment he'd seen the three men stagger through the gate, hours late and with Ronon carrying the limp form that could only be Teyla that it was going to be bad. He just hadn't realized how bad though as he shouted orders at his med team, watching the awful way her head lolled to the side when Ronon carefully laid her still body on the stretcher. 

Ronon backed away, retreating to a position beside a pillar, not once taking his eyes off Teyla. With a practiced glance, Carson could see that the Satedan wasn't injured—at least physically—but his eyes were wild and his face grim. Rodney had dropped down onto the bottom step and for once wasn't demanding to be the center of attention, though Carson could clearly see he was injured. And then the sickening thought occurred to him that maybe the blood all over McKay's clothing wasn't his blood at all.... Carson hazarded a quick look at Sheppard, who hadn't said a word, shrugging off Elizabeth and positioning himself halfway between Ronon and McKay, his eyes haunted and his jaw tight. 

Turning back to his patient, Carson's heart clenched when he saw the gaping wound in her abdomen, the smell of scorched flesh and fabric assaulting his nostrils. Bending over her with his stethoscope in his ears, Carson pressed the bell to her blood spattered chest, already exposed by the quick hands of his staff. Her skin was so cold and he heard nothing at all. 

Closing his eyes and praying for a heartbeat that he knew would never happen again, he eventually raised his head and removed the ear pieces, looking at the three men. "What happened?" he asked, his voice surprisingly gentle and calm as he carefully pulled together the tattered edges of her clothing, covering her from the curious eyes of all who had gathered. 

His staff, quickly realizing the futility of any further efforts, stepped back. McKay didn't say anything, merely stared down at his feet, taking ragged breaths. Ronon turned and walked away, his footsteps echoing down the corridor. Sheppard unclipped his P-90 and handed it to the waiting armory sergeant before finally answering. "We weren't fast enough."

“John!” Elizabeth called after him, her face and voice filled with a confusion and pain that Carson recognized, the same feelings tearing through him. When she looked at him, he just shrugged. Like everyone else’s, her eyes were drawn back to the still body in their midst. Their colleague…their friend. Carson saw the deep breath she took and then she turned to Major Lorne, who stood silently at her side. “Make sure Colonel Sheppard and Ronon make it to the infirmary.”

Lorne nodded, gesturing to the handful of marines that stood there with him, the somber group walking silently past the stretcher. Carson signaled himself then, gesturing to two of his team to carry the stretcher and its precious occupant to the infirmary, before crossing over to where Rodney still sat.

“Rodney,” he said, his voice gentle as he knelt down next to the stunned looking scientist. “Let’s get you back to the infirmary, lad.” He stood, taking hold of McKay’s elbow, urging him to rise. 

“No, I’m okay,” McKay protested, shrugging off Carson’s hand and struggling to his feet. “Take care of Teyla,” he said, his voice rising. “She’s been injured….” His face suddenly crumpled and he sagged, Carson and one of the med techs catching him.

“Its okay, Rodney,” Carson soothed him, handing the trembling man over to the two waiting techs. “We’ll take care of her.”

“Carson?” Elizabeth materialized at his side, her expression somber as the gate room slowly emptied. “Let me know when they’re ready.”

He knew what she wanted and he seriously doubted that the three remaining members of Atlantis’ premiere team would ever be ‘ready’. But, he nodded briskly and with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, started the long trek to the infirmary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elizabeth watched each man closely as they filed into the briefing room. Beckett had assured her that none of the men were seriously injured and while she was relieved, she knew their lack of injury in the face of their team mates death would be a bitter pill to swallow. They sat in their usual places, the empty chair between McKay and Sheppard a sharp reminder of their loss.

Sheppard looked as casual and relaxed as always, sprawled in his chair, but Elizabeth could see the fine tension in his posture, the tight clench of his jaw and she didn’t think she’d ever seen his eyes look so remote. Ronon looked even more dangerous, his muscles tightly coiled for action, his eyes filled with a dark rage that sent the slightest shiver of unease through Elizabeth. And Rodney looked devastated, pale and haggard, his normal cocky and self-sure attitude no where to be found in the aftermath of whatever had happened.

She didn’t relish what was about to happen, but it had to be done and the sooner they dealt with the formalities, the sooner they could all move on—she hoped. “All right, gentlemen,” she said firmly. “Tell me what happened.” She looked around the table at each man, John suddenly sat at attention, Ronon looked even more hard and dangerous and what little color Rodney had regained disappeared. 

“I thought these,” she pulled open her folder and looked down briefly, “…Kabiran were on friendly terms with Athos?” Ronon growled something under his breath which Elizabeth ignored, looking to John.

“Initially they were friendly. Their leader, Radwan, seemed delighted to see Teyla again and to meet us.”

“Initially?”

“Yeah…what Radwan failed to tell us—“

“What he failed to tell us,” Rodney broke in, clearly agitated, his hands gesturing wildly, “was that they were in the middle of a civil war!”

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

“Radwan wanted advanced weaponry,” Ronon snarled.

“Radwan had heard rumors of what had been found on Atlantis and was…” John paused, his lips twisting in a pained smile that tore at Elizabeth. “Well, let’s just say he was eager to become friends.”

Elizabeth suspected she could see where this whole tale was going and what had happened, but she needed to hear it from them. “So this Radwan wanted advanced technology to win his war?”

“Basically,” John answered.

“What happened?”

“Well, we refused of course,” Rodney snapped. “They had barely advanced beyond the flintlock, any weapon that we could have given them would have decimated their enemy.”

“And that’s when it happened?” 

The three men exchanged a look she couldn’t read before John answered. “No, they seemed to accept our explanation and our offer to help them negotiate a peace—”

“They lied,” Ronon growled. “They—”

John held up his hand, stopping whatever else Ronon had to say. “It doesn’t matter now. We let our guard down and they caught us by surprise. Radwan’s men ambushed us on our way back to the gate. We managed to evade them, only to get caught up in the midst of an altercation—”

Rodney snorted. “An altercation? That was an all-out battle.”

“An altercation,” John continued smoothly, “between the two opposing sides. And that’s when it happened.”

Unfortunately Elizabeth could imagine all too easily the chain of events that had transpired; caught in the middle of a civil war, probably viewed as the enemy by both sides, fighting for their lives. 

“Teyla got hit.” Rodney’s brow furrowed and he spoke almost haltingly. “With a cannon or something, I don’t know, the wound was too big to have been caused by one of their muskets.” He looked directly at her then, his face stricken. “I tried to stop the bleeding, but there was so much and it wouldn’t stop and they wouldn’t stop shooting….”

“I’m sure you did everything you could, Rodney.” Elizabeth replied calmly, though the horrific picture they painted made her want to send a nuke through the Stargate to the planet’s coordinates. She turned to John. “What happened next?” 

“There seemed to be some kind of lull in the battle, so Ronon grabbed Teyla and we made it back to the gate.” John attempted a casual shrug that failed miserably. “You know the rest.”

It sounded so simple the way John explained it, but Elizabeth knew it had been anything but that. She could imagine Ronon carrying Teyla with one arm while firing his weapon with the other, John and Rodney both providing cover fire as they raced back to the Stargate. The air would be heavy with the smoke from the antiquated weapons, the sounds and smells of the battle—and death—filling the air and their nostrils, searing their lungs as they gulped for air.

“All right then,” she said, fighting to keep her voice even and not give into the anger that filled her at Teyla’s senseless death. “We can cross the Kabiran off our list of potential allies.” Making a notation in the folder, she closed it. “I’ve already been in contact with Halling. They wish us to bring Teyla’s body to the mainland so that she may be buried in their tradition.” She looked at each man again before focusing her attention on John. “I assume—”

“We’ll do it,” he interrupted. Ronon nodded, as did McKay. 

“Very well then,” Elizabeth said, bringing the painful debriefing to a close. “Beckett has told me he’ll be ready to release her body by tomorrow. We’ll postpone your next mission until after the burial.”

Ronon left almost immediately, his whole demeanor radiating anger and frustration and Elizabeth wondered how many miles he would run through Atlantis’ dark corridors before he found any peace. McKay left almost as rapidly, Sheppard rising more slowly from his chair.

“John?” He stopped in the doorway and looked back at her, his eyes shadowed. She wanted to comfort him but suspected he wasn’t ready. “You did everything you could.” 

His expression grew even bleaker. “Tell that to Teyla.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elizabeth stood on the balcony overlooking the Stargate and watched the solemn procession slowly file into the gate room. Two orderlies pushed the cart, a brightly colored blanket that Elizabeth recognized as being Athosian in design covered the body, hiding the ugly and stark body bag that contained her remains. Beckett and various other personnel followed behind, silent mourners to this final journey for their colleague. There would be a memorial ceremony for the residents of Atlantis later, but Elizabeth was touched by the number of personnel that had somehow managed to be present for Teyla’s final trip through the Stargate. 

Sheppard, McKay and Ronon waited at the open rear hatch of the jumper. If she hadn’t known better, Elizabeth could imagine they were setting out on a new mission, merely waiting for their fourth team member. Which in a way they were. Elizabeth didn’t think she’d ever seen Ronon handle anything as tenderly and gently as he did when he lifted Teyla’s body off the stretcher and carried it into the jumper. McKay remained uncharacteristically quiet, entering the jumper behind Ronon. 

John paused for a moment and looked up at her. Their eyes met and Elizabeth tried to decipher what she saw in his; grief and pain layered over an overwhelming anger that seethed just under the surface of his control. It worried her and yet there seemed to be nothing she could do to help him. It would take time for all of them to heal, though she suspected, as John nodded gravely and disappeared into the jumper, that an eternity wouldn’t be long enough for some of them. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John hadn’t expected to be welcomed with open arms by Halling, but he had at least expected to be allowed to attend whatever services the Athosians held for Teyla. It was only after a rather vocal and long-winded protest from McKay and several well-timed snarls from Ronon that Halling had given in, which found the three men standing two days later on the outskirts of the Athosian burial ground, forced to be outsiders looking on as their team mate was buried.

The Athosian words flowed over him, the unfamiliar cadences reminding him of countless other memorial services he’d attended. His thoughts drifted back to the first funeral he’d ever attended, his father’s. He hadn’t understood then, at the age of twelve, any more than he understood now, how someone could be full of life one minute and reduced to nothingness in the next. Through it all, his mother had been strong in her faith and conviction that his father had moved onto something better. 

John wasn’t so sure that he believed in heaven anymore, but he understood now what his mother had felt all those years ago, because he wanted to believe the same thing. That Teyla was still with him somehow, that her life hadn’t ended on that god forsaken planet and that she continued to exist and that some day they would be reunited. He wondered for a wild moment if the Athosian afterlife could co-exist with the polyglot of afterlives that filled the universe, until they lowered her body into the ground and the first handful of dirt was tossed onto the body wrapped in the meticulously embroidered burial cloth. 

As the collected voices of the gathered Athosians rose in what could only be a funeral dirge John remembered grimly that dead was dead and nothing would ever bring her—or anyone else he loved—back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even as a medical student Carson Beckett hadn’t liked autopsies. And he liked them even less on Atlantis and while it seemed almost unnecessary to subject what was left of Teyla Emmagen’s physical body to further assault, he had an obligation to the living to discover anything at all that might help them, including what had made Teyla so special and different amongst her race. He consoled himself with the knowledge that she wouldn’t begrudge him whatever bits of information he could glean from her cells. 

So it was with mixed emotions that he handed his finished report to Elizabeth. The briefest of frowns passed over her face when she saw what it was and he sat down as she opened the folder and started to read. He waited, her softly indrawn breath telling him the exact moment when she’d read the finding that had at first stunned him and then filled him with extraordinary sadness.

“Were you aware of this?” she questioned, sliding the folder back across her desk to him.

Carson sighed softly and shook his head. “I doubt even if Teyla herself knew she was pregnant.”

Elizabeth nodded and then asked the question he dreaded. “Do we know who the father is? Was,” she corrected herself.

Carson thought about the oath he had taken; he thought about the privilege that existed between patient and physician, a privilege that extended even beyond death and a privilege that seemed to be lost when it came to the military. He thought about the four week old embryo that had died with its mother, cells just beginning to divide and form into tiny buds that would become arms…legs…. 

He thought about the DNA testing he had run on the tiny cluster of cells that would never grow into a little boy, running and playing in the sunlight, laughing and smiling at his mother and father; a brown-eyed boy who possessed his mother’s caramel colored skin and his father’s unruly hair. And he thought about adding more pain onto a pain that was already unbearable. It would benefit no one, least of all John Sheppard, if news of Teyla’s pregnancy somehow made it beyond the confines of this office. 

“No,” he answered firmly, the lie tumbling easily out of his mouth. “I didn’t see any point in doing genetic testing on the embryo.” He met Elizabeth’s skeptical gaze without flinching, it was the least he could do for Sheppard and his unborn future, lying buried beneath the Athosian soil.

THE END


End file.
